Sunday, July 22, 2012

Be Happy – Be Happy Again.

How can I be happy again? This question strikes you very frequently when the future holds little promise, and you fear you haven't lived the kind of life you can be content with. There are a number of tasks outstanding before you wish to have eternal sleep. This you know that in spite of your best efforts to maintain yourself, best medicines and treatment now available, super possessions to make your life more comfortable than your previous generations had, your present life is to expire one day, and you, as you are on date, would be no more.  

In organizing all the facilities to put at your disposal, you might have done some wrongs, you might have cheated someone, you might have killed someone’s due share – you did it to organize your comforts. OK, you did not do it but you might have made some profits out of the deals you made which may not be said genuine. Or, you did not perform the duties assigned to you but you got remuneration for that as salary. It is also one kind of wrongs we commit but we seldom care for.

One of my friends, really very good friend, is in government service. He goes to mosque to offer his prayers very punctually. He meets me every time with smiling face, he listens my problem and makes deep discussions to find out the way and advises me sincerely too. Yesterday I got the opportunity to meet him in quest of getting some solution to my problem – I have very recently been cheated by the partner of my son. He asked me to come around 12.30 pm. I reached accordingly. At that time, he was talking with his brother who had come to meet him after he fixed the time for me. He could not inform me to defer my meeting with him. When he saw me, he expressed sorry and asked for half an hour time. 

After finishing his talks with his brother, he told me, “Mr.Gulati, sorry, I could not meet you at the time fixed.” I said, “No, no, that does not matter much.” He stunned me back, “No, why no? My brother came in without seeking an appointment in advance because of some urgency in the domestic affairs. Since he is elder, I had to meet him but it is my duty time – my meeting with you was scheduled under my duty. I feel sorry because I spent my official time in my personal affairs – sorry to you also, as I wasted your time too.” I felt impressed with him. He confessed and he is happy because he did it sincerely.

Some time ago, I thought what would happen if I put some cigarettes unlit in a cup of water for a night. Then, I should drink the water in the morning. I am told that nicotine is a lethal poison. I never experimented over this statement given to me because I had never been a science student. But I assume that when you smoke it you burn most of the poison away. But if it drains into the water…The theory was I'd be dead of a heart attack in sixty seconds. My fear was that I would I have brain damage instead.  

I've known people with brain damage. That would be no good. It was three in the morning. I knew I was going to go broke. My office had papers and dead computers and dead books and the cards of dead friends everywhere. I had an incomparable loneliness in all of my relationships. All the work and hours I had put in had added up to this dirty office and no money.

Or maybe there was the other time. My whole life added up to being escorted by police to a hotel room to spend the night. "To calm down." Or the time I was thrown out of graduate school. Or the time I was asked by my boss, "Don’t you think it's important to show pride in your work?" Or the times I was cheated on.

If I really want to be honest I could say I threw a burning iron at someone and that's when the police came. But perhaps that would seem too much. If I wanted to truly be correct, I could look back at the past and say I did everything they told me to do, all the secret agents that wanted to destroy me: friends, parents, colleagues, bosses, lovers, and here I am – look where I ended up? And where did they all go? Back to their safe houses.

I could sit here all night until daybreak talking about the past, which is gone forever. And the future, which will never exist and yet seems so real. Maybe the economy will end us. Or global warming.  Or war. Or we lose our jobs. You and me. We can be scared all night together.

The future just a bleak desert, mirages of water only lasting a few seconds before I realize my thirst won't be quenched. May never be quenched again.

One thing you forgot to mention in your question, my friend, is the present. Right now. The only thing we know exists. The most important thing of all and we left it out. I was keeping cigarettes in water when I could've been looking in on my sleeping daughter. I could've kissed her forehead. I could've been grateful to be given such a magical moment. Then I could've called my father one month before his fatal stroke and told him I loved him. Instead I never spoke to him again.

I gave up that magical moment forever because of worries about the future and because of something I did in the past.

The magical moments only exist right now. They will never exist again. The way we miss them is when we focus on the past. Or we try to drink from the mirage in the distant future. Flying unicorns could be all around us but our eyes are glazed over with cataracts of the dismal future and bleaker past.

I would say, "if only this company sells, I'll be happy." And then I was never more miserable. And then later I would say, "I blew it so bad I ruined everyone's life and not just my own." And then I was never more miserable. If only I had left out both those statements out I never would've been more happy. Happiness doesn't exist because "I already did A, B, and C".

Your Present Matters – Past is your history to learn not to repeat if some wrong has been committed and future is at some distance.

This doesn't mean live only for the moment. We all have responsibilities. But DO them. And then be grateful. Find the five things you are grateful for. There's always five or more. List them. That's a chart to get you happy again. And it compounds into more happiness if you always bring yourself back to it when your mind wanders like a time machine. Every time your mind wanders, bring it back, and list what you are grateful for. You will improve your mistakes

If you always bring yourself back to that present moment, the future will more than take care of itself. The happiness will grow every time you bring yourself back to the present moment and count the things you are grateful for. That's it. That's the only trick to get great happiness in your life.

We start off with that helpless destined feeling. That we will die with our handcuffs on or we may be poor. And the hopes we had would be put a stop to. We would be found guilty in our worst nightmares. We would be silenced by our fears.

But right now I'm happy I'm talking to you. I'm happy because you are reading my lines. I'm grateful because I can feel my breath. Maybe one day I'll decay and die. Maybe one day all around me will be the mirage and the desperate heat. Maybe one day my past will seem too much for me. But right here and now you and I are both alive. We're both breathing. It is enough. I have got all the gifts God gave me when I took birth here. I have been using them since my birth and would like to re-inspect if the use was proper, I would make it better and hope that I would be happy again to look after my present after learning from the past and care for the future accordingly. But I won’t worry for the future as much I care for the present one. That method may solve your problem too.

Be Happy – Be Happy Again.

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